If you haven't, you might want to check out those two things first before reading on.
Project 1: Who do you want to be?
Recently I was talking with a friend whose youngest child – her third - had just started a three-morning-a-week preschool program. “I suddenly have all these hours available, and I don’t know what to do with them,” she said.
I hear this refrain again and again from moms who suddenly find themselves with some extra hours in the week. And it’s a common theme already in the Beyond Baby community. I’ve said it myself on more than one occasion.
But I think “looking for something to do”, if not done mindfully, can put the cart before the horse.
When we start out just trying to fill up time whenever there’s a void, we run the risk of signing on for things we aren’t that jazzed about or taking on a bunch of commitments just because we can…or feel like we should. The next thing you know you’ve created a life that might not reflect the person you want to be, or the things you really want to be accomplishing over the long haul.
Instead, I would encourage you to be much more intentional about the kinds of activities you invite into your life. There’s no hurry to fill up those minutes!
Instead, spend a little time thinking not just about what you want to do, but who you want to be.
This week's lesson
So, what’s the difference between what you want to do and who you want to be?
What you want to do is about today. It’s about how you’ll use the 24 hours in front of you. It can be about staying busy, checking tasks off a list or feeling a temporary, fleeting sense of accomplishment.
Who you want to be is about tomorrow, and next week, and thirty years from today. It’s about the kind of person you’ll have been when you retire, when you’re rocking your grandbabies and great-grandbabies, when somebody writes your obituary.
In his groundbreaking book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey calls this kind of looking forward “beginning with the end in mind.”
What we do shapes who we are…so it’s worth giving the “end result” some serious thought. It’s the first step in creating a rich, full, and ultimately fulfilling Beyond Baby life.
Your homework: Journaling exercises
Over the next week, take out your special Beyond Baby journal (if you don’t have one yet, no problem: grab some paper, steal your child’s school notebook – kidding, maybe – or simply type out your responses to these questions in a Word document, on your blog (don’t want to go public? Just save as a draft) or even in our FB group.
1. Tap (back) into your passions.
Think back to the time before you had children…maybe as far back as high school, middle school, or even before that. What got you excited? In the days before you worried about Social Security or daycare costs, if somebody had asked you what you wanted to do for the rest of your life, what would you have said?
Once you’ve made your list, go through it one by one and see which passions still speak to you. Cross out the ones that no longer float your boat, and add any new thoughts that pop up.
Consider old dreams that seem outdated. Is it possible that you are living, or could live out some of those dreams, but in a new way?
Your list can grow or shrink as you move through the program. And no need to worry about committing to anything just yet…this is just an exercise to get you thinking.
Meagan - future Solid Gold dancer
Just so you know, if you’d asked a six-year-old me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have said a teacher, a writer, a singer, and a Solid Gold dancer.
Well, the Solid Gold dancer thing never quite panned out, but I have managed to become a writer, and I consider the writing I do to be a form of teaching about what I’ve learned in life and motherhood.
Two out of four isn’t bad, and maybe the singing and dancing life still has a place in my future, Beyond Baby.
2. What character traits do you value most? What are ways you can strengthen them in your life?
Make a short list – no more than five – of the kinds of character traits you would like to be remembered for.
Now look at the list and ask yourself whether those traits are currently represented by your actions and the way you spend your time. For example:
If you want to be generous … are you currently making time to give?
If you want to be creative … are you devoting energy to your art?
If you want to be healthy … do your habits reflect that priority?
Chances are you’ve got at least one or two character traits you’d like to have, but aren’t investing in right now. Remember that what you do shapes who you are! If there’s a trait you aren’t nurturing in yourself right now, it gets priority when you decide which activities to invest your time in.
3. What are your strengths?
Think beyond the surface – the tools you use - and get down to your real strengths. For example: I am a writer. But over the years I’ve learned that writing is just one way that I communicate.
When I think about my true, core strengths, they encompass teaching, leading and helping others. Writing is just one tool that helps me express my strengths.
Figuring out your core strengths helps you dig deeper than "what" and tap into "why."
These are big topics, and I don't expect that you'll have them all figured out this week! These exercises are meant to get you thinking and dreaming. We'll return to each of these topics in a more detailed way in future emails, and in the Beyond Baby community.
Recommended reading!
Here are three posts I've chosen this week to give you more ideas and inspiration:
Whew. You made it through this first email. This first week is a BIG topic and your head might be spinning (hopefully in a good way!). Here are 3 quick ways to ease your mind as you process Week 1:
1. Don't do anything for 24 hours. Take a day to digest what you've just read, but don't start your homework just yet. Come back to this email with fresh eyes tomorrow and read it again. Then take a deep breath, and begin! (On the other hand, if you're excited to get going, no need to wait - feel free to jump right in!)
2. Post a question in the Facebook group. If you're feeling overwhelmed, reach out to our group. We've set up a special discussion thread just for Week 1 projects here. You might find kindred spirits or hear words of encouragement from a mom who has been there.
3. Reply to this email. I want to hear from you. This community has grown so wonderfully active that I can't promise individual feedback, but I promise to read your questions. Sometimes just putting your worries into words helps unravel them, and I'm here to listen.
- Meagan
PS - We've gotten questions about whether moms can still sign up for Beyond Baby, and the answer is YES - but they need to act soon! Registration ends January 11, 2014. Be sure to forward this email along to anyone you'd like to have join you in the group, and direct them to this link to sign up!
