Awakenings with Sheri - Spring 2015 Hello Fellow Travelers, Spring has arrived here in Northern California. The apple blossoms in the neighboring pa

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Awakenings with Sheri - Spring 2015

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Hello Fellow Travelers,

Spring has arrived here in Northern California. The apple blossoms in the neighboring pasture and the jasmine on my front porch are intoxicating and it's hard to believe it's only March 8th. Sorry Colorado, but I'm not missing those long winters quite yet. "California?" Yep, California!

This mostly fear-LESS gypsy spirit-can't seem to stay in one place-wanna-be cowgirl, is on the move again.

Since we last spoke my life has taken yet another turn. It was a hard left. You know those those bends in the road, you don't always see coming, that force you to hit the brakes, so you don't go off the cliff? Yep, it was one of those bends. I saw the yellow sign, but I didn't heed the warning.

So to catch you up here's where my mid-life adventure has taken me. I am officially a single woman again, after 20 years as someone's other.

As a result, of untying this knot, I was forced to sell my beloved home, which I won't lie, caused me a considerable amount of heartbreak and has taken a significant amount of time to heal from. The saving grace in this is that my home sold to the most loving family and we made a commitment to have a conscious real estate transaction, which I know sounds like an oxymoron, but can be done when both parties truly take the agreement into their heart and soul.

I sold my home and packed up my tent (pretty much all that was left). I gathered my 4-legged tribe and high tailed it over the Great Divide, leaving behind my beloved community of 25 years in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, to create a new life about 30 minutes from the ocean. I believe that's what they call walking your talk. If I'm going to ask all of you to step into the Mystery and trust, then I've got to be willing to do it mySELF.

The entire experience was kind of like living through an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies, without Zsa Zsa. Sing along here…hills that is…no movie stars.

As we all know, when one door slams shut, it's important to go where the next one opens and much to my surprise, my compass pointed to N. California and once that happened all the doors opened without any WD-40. Anyone who has ever tried to live or land here in Sebastopol, is quite amazed by my story, and now that I know better, I actually am too.

It's why I'm sticking around awhile; Goddess, God, Spirit and some Big Winged Angelic Types, sent me here and I'm trusting they've got a plan that still seems a bit foggy to me-pun intended!

It's literally been two years since I sent out a newsletter to you. Interestingly, that wasn't intentional, I just decided I might sit down tonight and try and write something. I had no idea, but my newsletter service had expired and when I paid, it re-opened to the last newsletter, Spring two years ago. That felt a bit like a sign. It's said the grief process should take AT LEAST a year. In many cultures, there are year-long rituals to honor the depth of loss without restraint, embarrassment or excuse. Cumulative grief takes a bit more time and healing space.

As most of you know, I've spent the last 6 years living through the 5 big life stressors.

Haven't we all? Death, divorce, loss of home, loss of job…just plain loss in general.

It's been so hard for so many of us. The stories have shattered my heart. I lost hope at some point, I truly did. Stories of families losing everything, kids that were homeless while bank executives, still walked home with pockets full of enormous bonuses and hearts of cold steel, when instead they should have beens stripped of everything and forced to live a fortnight in someone else's shoes or at least one night hungry on the street.

In some perverse way, supporting clients, friends and family with cancer, and cheering on friends who had lost jobs or houses and still had families to raise, was what kept me afloat most days. It was knowing that SO MANY, had it SO MUCH WORSE, that snapped me back to gratitude, even on the days I had to crawl my way to counting my blessings before bed, like so many little cottony white sheep.

I stopped sending out newsletters after the final nail in my proverbial coffin, which was actually number 6 on my list of life stressors; my book Creative Awakenings, went out of print. I had just graduated the first four facilitators from my training program, which was actually based entirely on the book! Creative Awakenings was in effect, my text book.

My shout out to God went something like this but with a few more curse words, "Really? After everything else, now this??"

Holy SHAME attack! And so I did what any humiliated, motivationally oriented, semi-public figure would do, I ran into the desert of DE-nial and promptly buried my head in the sand.

But looking back from this vantage point, head above ground, I can see that CA the book and I had a great 4- year run. I'm forever grateful to North Light books and more specifically my beloved editor , who just launched her new biz, Sacred Maker, Tonia Jenny, for the opportunity. Tonia went to bat for me and took my dyslexic Opus and made gorgeous sense of it. As far as I'm concerned that woman's a genius.

After CA was remaindered, a proper, kinder-gentler term meaning "sold to the lowest bidder," I was able to buy back my rights to the book and all the graphics and I now own all the files. That's the good news.

Creative Awakenings is still available as an E-book (full disclosure, I do get the e-book royalties), until CreateSpace and I figure out next steps. Print CA as is…or as an updated 2nd edition?

SPOILER ALERT: Kindle peeps, guess what? You can read it for FREE!

For paper lovers and I remain one of them, you can now get CA at bargain prices through some of those remainder houses (no royalties to me).

Personally and professionally speaking, I've been connecting mostly through my Facebook page. It's been a virtual lifeline of hope. A place I could show up authentically every day and not disappear into the abyss of transformations fire.

It's where I've received a lot of love, juice and inspiration to keep going forward. And much to my surprise, you shared how inspiring it was for you to witness these transformative decisions and life changes.

I was living loud, but not always so proud.

As a result, of your love and encouragement, the shame has dissipated and the stories of your own transformations, as well as witnessing the many celebrations in your lives, warmed the fires of my heart.

Thank you, thank you, a million over the moon thank you's, to all of you, my beloved clients, friends and readers, for walking beside me during these last 6 trying years! You will never know the how much it has meant to my heart and SOUL to be able to show up…in any shape-shifted form...authentically ME.

I left Colorado in late June and landed in N. CA in early July. I decided to take some much needed time to lick my wounds, review the last 6 years, rest, heal and replenish. I've spent long days with my animals Blue and Dreamweaver Sunday. I've been welcomed and adopted by wonderful new like-minded friends and have taken some long walks on the beach with Blue, who has yet to comprehend the vast ocean and that's quite a relief to me.

Along the way, my father was diagnosed with cancer, and I was promptly kicked out of my first rental, four months after arriving, so a family member could move in. I had 30-days find a new place to live with my dog and horse. It was time to pack up and move again. The truth is, I had not really unpacked. Most of my boxes were still in the garage on the property. Something inside knew I shouldn't put any holes in those walls. My angels must really want me here because they intervened again and within 5 days, I found a home for the three of us with a woman I had taken a few riding lessons with, Lisa Walters, a fellow equine facilitator. Her renters gave notice the day I was supposed to visit her and return a bit she'd lent me. We had not seen one another for 3 months. I called her the week before after hearing her horse had passed way, her renters were still here.

Miracle number two. I'm keeping score.

I landed here in my new rental, in December, where I help care for four lovely horses, the owners, a fellow boarders and my own. My day begins at dawn, drawing the the curtain on my front door to find Dreamweaver Sunday staring back at me awaiting her breakfast.

It's a little bit like OZ, but in a good way.

Now that feels like some kinda miracle, that I can tell you.

Recently, I've had some wonderful visits from out of town, soul sister friends who needed some time on their own for one reason or another. They held my hand, listened to my stories of heartbreak and confusion and more often than not, had me doubled over with tears of laughter, hilarity and pure joy.

Most importantly, these fierce, SOULFUL women reminded me of WHO I AM deep in my heart, not who I thought I had become, by performing a little reflective ASS kicking, when needed, for good measure.

Sometimes it takes those 25-35 year friendships to grab you by the throat and SHAKE YOU TO YOUR CORE…in a nice way!

Like Persephone, who was abducted by Hades, and spent some BIG time in the mighty Underworld, I feel it's appropriate to share with you that as of today, I am making a conscious decision to rise.

To be honest, I wasn't sure I could.

I wasn't sure I wanted to.

I wasn't sure I had anything left in me to say.

I wasn't sure I was relevant anymore.

As someone recently said, "It will be your coming out party."

Well I guess in a way it will, I'm coming out of the flames of the fire of my very own mid-life awakening.

I'm rising from the ashes, stronger, wiser-albeit still a little wobbly somedays-and very much STILL STANDING and... I've really learned to like Pomegranates!

Has it been easy? HELL NO! Have I shed a horse trough of tears, had moments of complete despair, and wondered how the HELL I was going to pick up the pieces of my life… again?

HELL YES!

But this fellow traveler, is where this newsletter comes in.

You see, there is something simmering. You know, that simmering I talk about in my book.

That phrase What is calling you..? has been whispering to me again and I think it's gonna be interesting.

I have this still small idea of how I might take those composted ashes, throw them in a caldron, light a new fire and maybe…just maybe create a little magic. And here's what's true, that might be of interest and of benefit to all of us.

As you know I am a firm believer in growth spurts. As wild-hearted creatives, we are hard pressed to do the same dang thing year after year. I know that one of these spurts is on the horizon when my inner lioness starts to fret and pace and about, looking for the cage door. She's been wearing a hole in the rug for a couple of months now poor thing and I've decided to open the door and set her free.

In the meantime, I'll be stirring the pot and creating a little alchemy. Here's where you come in. I need your help with the ingredients.

If you have an inspiring story of how you have risen from the ashes and feel that you'd like to share it with me and maybe even a larger audience, I would very much like to hear it.

WIth a little luck and a pinch of ingenuity, I hope to be serving you up something delicious really soon!

In the meantime, I hope you've enjoyed this excerpt from my writings. I'm not sure where these words are taking me, but spilling to the page has been transformative…if nothing else.

I can't thank you all enough for your ongoing support of me and of all things Creative Awakenings. This has truly been a grand adventure and I couldn't have done it without each one of you!

As always, it's been my pleasure to serve you. May you all find the true authentic path of your hearts desire...

Happy Trails,
Sheri Gaynor
Current Outpost: Sebastopol, CA

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
— Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

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Copyright 2015. Sheri Gaynor. Title: Illumination. SOLD

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